I have grown to tolerate life without you. It’s not something I ever wanted to do. Everything was poured into our relationship and for the first time ever, I was happy enough with myself to expect something in return.
Those words may appear to be nothing but it’s the biggest reward I’ve ever earned. I felt like I deserved to be happy. I have considered myself a piece of shit for 24 years but with you, I thought I was good enough to be happy.
I would do anything to return to those days.
You said you wanted to be with me. We mapped our life together. I told you I was afraid but you assured me there was nothing to fear. We were going to make it. I could’ve pressured you into a relationship and we would’ve never broken up.
But I didn’t. I didn’t want to be like P or K. I wanted you to do what you wanted.
You’re doing that.
I’m happy for you.
“I know that you won’t be alone for very long but without you, I’ll be alone forever.”
I love you.